A BEGINNING, A MIDDLE, AND A PROPER END

Homecoming

At the sound of the door chime, Janeway smiled. That would be Chakotay, determined to get her to the party that had spilled into the corridors from the mess hall--where Neelix no longer presided but his ebullient presence was somehow still felt, one of the happiest legacies Voyager enjoyed. "Come in."

Her first officer did not disappoint her. He so very rarely had. "Why are you sitting in here all alone? Come to the party! Everybody's asking where you are--" His smile was wide and warm--and yet it seemed to her that some of his usual energy was missing, that the lines about his eyes and mouth spoke more of strain than of laughter. She was not surprised.

"Not just now." She waved a hand at her computer console, at the same time erasing the screen so he wouldn't glimpse the service record that had been displayed there--his own. "Reports, and addenda to reports, and responses to the addenda, and so on and so on--"

"You don't need to work on those now. Harry was practically ready to come and drag you down there himself."

"So you volunteered to drag me instead?"

"By your hair, if necessary. It's an honored tradition among my people." Laughter had momentary ascendance in his face; she greeted it with mock horror, and then a smile. "Captain, come accept the praise and thanks that are your due."

"I'll be there in a little while, I promise."

He lingered a minute longer, clearly puzzled, but at length smiled a little sadly and turned to leave. She found, however, that she could not let him go without explanation. "I haven't heard anything."

He turned back, square shoulders sagging. "I wasn't going to ask. Not now."

"I know you weren't."

He took a few pointless steps, then stopped. "It's painful to feel ambivalent about coming home."

"Ever since we got into regular contact, I've been pestering the authorities to resolve the Maquis issue one way or the other while there was plenty of time for debate, but they've kept putting it off. Well, they're going to have to resolve it now."

"One way or the other." At her wordless invitation he sank into a chair. "Will you come to see me in the stockade?" His irrepressible humor could not hide the brittle edge in his voice.

"I'll bring you a cake with a security field neutralizer baked inside. That's all my cakes are good for--my poor grandmother despaired of me." She rose and leaned over the desk to lend weight to her words. "This is going to work out, Chakotay. After all you've done for this ship, for me--after the sacrifices your people have made--the losses you've suffered-- I won't let them cart a quarter of my crew off to jail."

"I appreciate your confidence, but--"

"I ought to have some pretty good bargaining chips stored up, and I intend to use them. I've argued that seven years' exile and involuntary service to the very organization you formerly opposed is punishment enough. Then there's the exemplary behavior of your crew. Their willing cooperation meant the difference between success and failure for us all, and that cooperation began with you. Don't you think I've heard over the years how close the Maquis came to mutiny a time or two, with only you standing in their way? I've never thanked you properly for all your efforts to make the merger work."

And for the first few weeks, the most difficult time, he'd been quite alone--more alone, though she hadn't recognized it then, even than she. While she could count on the support of her Starfleet crew, he had endured hostility from all sides--Maquis, Starfleet, and sometimes his captain--walking a very fine line day after day with hardly a misstep. It had been weeks before she saw him spend more than five minutes with any particular group; he couldn't associate with the Maquis without alienating the Starfleet crew, and he couldn't make overtures to the Starfleet crew without alienating the very people he had promised to control. A willing buffer between herself and nearly forty aggressive, angry, and thoroughly undisciplined men and women, he had been constantly visible but always separate, a condition that a naturally congenial man must have found very uncomfortable indeed.

"This crew," she said, "owes you every bit as much gratitude as they've been heaping on me. And so does Starfleet Command. I'm still pestering--" She nodded at the computer.

"Is that what you're working on?" Into his look and tone came both amusement and exasperation. "Kathryn. Come to the party." He strode around the desk to seize her from behind by the elbows and propel her toward the door. "I'm tired of being second-best guest of honor."

"I could order you to let me go--"

"I'd disobey."

"Then I'd have to relieve you of duty."

"You and how many security teams?"

"Oh, all right. A good captain never orders her crew to do anything she wouldn't do herself-- Computer, store file," she threw back over her shoulder, while the skeleton bridge crew greeted her undignified exit with applause and cheers. In the lift, when Chakotay had finally released her, she asked, "How's Seven doing?"

"She's overwhelmed, but determined to adapt." And then he did a slow, rueful double-take. "We thought we were being discreet. How did you know?"

"The admiral--let slip something about it. You haven't given yourselves away."

"I doubt the admiral let anything 'slip.' --She said something to Seven as well--something that really upset her. But whatever it was, I guess now it's--"

"Irrelevant," they said together, and shared a chuckle. After a moment Janeway asked rather tentatively, "Is it serious?" She wasn't certain what answer she wanted him to give, now, on the first day of a new life, when they might have had a chance at last.

He took a breath and said with quiet surprise, "I think so." He felt both glad and a little wistful when she smiled.

It didn't hurt as much as she'd thought it might, even when she saw the trace of might have been in his eyes. She hadn't had time for hurt before, in the shock of learning their fate, and then the purposeful changing of it. And now--? Well, at some point she really had let go of if only. Obviously, at last, so had he. --No, not "at some point." She knew exactly when it had been, of course. After Jaffen, Chakotay had never become if only again. Maybe in time he would have, had their journey continued, but not yet, not now--and so she could let him go without pain.

Her hand brushed his arm. "I'm very happy for you both--even if I had to find out for myself." He smiled at her faint indignation. "And I'm glad Seven will have you--she's going to need a lot of help in the next few months."

"Months? I hope that's all it will be. I shudder to think how many people are going to want to meet her--and probably study her."

"Has she made plans to see her aunt?"

"Yes. She wants me to go with her--"

His sudden tension communicated itself to her easily. Of course he could make no plans until Starfleet and the Federation reached a decision about the Voyager Maquis. In an effort to lighten the conversation she asked, "Have you seen B'Elanna and the baby today?"

"Yes, a while ago. Those forehead ridges are especially cute when they're so tiny." His smile was warm but it faded as quickly as his voice had faded moments before--for of course Torres' fate was as uncertain as his own.

"Damn them," Janeway muttered, and then the lift doors swished open and she was engulfed by a hundred-plus people who had clearly been alerted that she was on her way. "I don't think there's any hope of reaching the mess hall," she was able to say just before she was swept away on a chorus of "For She's a Jolly Good Captain."

As he threaded his way through the crowd, Chakotay pondered the alteration in the mood aboard ship since the immediate aftermath of homecoming. Voyager had been eerily quiet for hours after she had burst into Federation space, the crew not quite believing the sight of the blue-and-green jewel out the viewports, or their captain's simple announcement, "We're home." And then the comm circuits were jammed, everyone in his or her quarters talking to all the family and friends within range until they were exhausted and hoarse, listening to the official announcements and updates over the suddenly active news channels, fielding requests for interviews from home-planet news services. Then they began to gather, and to fill the mess hall with laughter and tears, Harry Kim already planning the first Voyager reunion and threatening to call it something alliterative like Voyager Vortex. With the exception of B'Elanna his Maquis crew were there, though they, like him, were somewhat subdued; they followed him with their eyes, looking to their former captain for guidance rather than to Janeway in the return of a habit they had lost years before. Do you know anything yet? Are we friend or enemy?

He ducked around a corner into an empty corridor and tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Torres. Is this a good time for a visit?"

"Sure--come on."

When she opened the door, she looked tired but quietly radiant at the same time. "I didn't know if this would be too late," he said.

"Night and day are pretty much interchangeable around here right now. Come on in--I ordered up some tea. Tom's asleep with Miral, but I--can't."

"I would think you'd be exhausted."

"I am--but--I'm worried, too. I don't suppose you've heard anything?"

"No, but the captain's working on it incessantly. I had to use brute force to get her to go to the party. She's doing everything she can."

"Will it be enough?"

"I don't know."

She swore softly in Klingon and fought back a sudden flood of tears. "I just wish I knew whether I'll be watching my daughter grow up from inside a penal institution."

"Feeling your usual optimism, are you?"

"Something like that. Aren't you worried?"

"A little."

"You're so calm. You're always so calm! It's maddening!"

He stared into his tea. "Okay, I'm a lot worried. Life is very satisfying right now and I don't want it interrupted because of actions that feel as though they were committed in another life, by another person." He gave her a wry look. "Feel better?"

"Yes, actually. Thanks." She curled up in a corner of the sofa. "Back then we didn't have all that much to lose, but now-- And when our fight isn't even relevant anymore-- How long would our sentences be, I wonder?"

"Most seem to have been on the order of five to ten years. But the captain is arguing that for us they should consider the seven years on Voyager as time served."

"That could still mean three years--" She drew a deep breath. "You said 'most.'"

A moment passed before he spoke. "Some of the ringleaders got fifteen to twenty--including a few captains."

"My God--" she said weakly, "you could serve thirteen years, even if they listen to Janeway--"

"It was treason, B'Elanna--"

She sprang up from the sofa. "They were the traitors, abandoning us-- God, I haven't thought in those terms in years-- Chakotay--maybe you should take a shuttle--"

"Do you seriously think I'd do anything to undermine the captain's efforts? Or that there would be any hope for the rest of the Maquis if I ran? Captain Janeway's been ordered to confine us to the brig if necessary, and she'd do it if she got the first whiff that any of us was planning something that stupid."

Her oath was a sob. "Well--at least Tom's all right. Miral will have one parent anyway." The authorities had already commuted the remainder of Paris' sentence, and Janeway was hoping that that decision would be considered precedent in the cases of the remaining Maquis. "Who'd have thought things would end this way, hm?--when you stuck us all on a Starfleet ship--"

"Yeah, who'd have thought?" His mood was suddenly brighter. "A few years ago I would have bet I'd never see you happily married and starting a family."

"It gives you a lot to think about--and an awful lot to be scared of. I look at Miral and just dissolve inside--" Tears welled in her eyes again and she was clearly grateful to be distracted by a thin little cry from the bedroom.

Chakotay finished his tea and stood to go. "Is that breakfast or dinner?"

"I have no idea. You'll let us know--"

"As soon as I do. That's a promise."

The doors closed behind him and he was alone in another deserted corridor. Most of the duty stations he passed were unmanned; the rest were abuzz with plans to visit family, friends, take vacations, look for work on a safe planet somewhere--plans he and over thirty of his shipmates could not yet make.

Seven did not turn when the doors of the Astrometrics lab opened and closed. "I happen to know you're off duty right now," he said, coming up beside her.

"I've never taken readings from Earth orbit before. All the data are new to me."

"Thanks to you Starfleet will be able to remap half the Alpha Quadrant once this equipment is standard," he said with pride.

"Thanks to me and Ensign Kim."

"Okay, Harry can have some credit, too. Ready to come to the party?"

She looked up, nervous and apologetic. "Not yet. But you should go."

He shrugged. "I've made a couple of appearances, and I don't think it's going to shut down any time soon. I'd rather be with you."

He stood with her while she worked, for the first time in seven years gazing at readouts on stars whose names he knew. She went back an image or two to make a correction, and a minute later made another correction. Her trembling hands slid away from the control panel.

"I am--frightened."

"I know."

"I believed I had accustomed myself to the idea of coming to Earth, but--"

"There's always a difference between what we imagine and the real thing."

"Yes. I want to meet Irene Hansen and her--my--relations, but I wonder if they really want to meet me. I wonder what Earth will want of me. The thought of leaving this collective, too, is--unsettling--"

He could tell that in fact it was deeply terrifying for her. "Seven, I've seen your ability to adapt and I know that in time you will. And whatever happens I'll be there with you--" His face clouded. "If I can."

She reached quickly for his hand. "I am selfish to think only of myself. I will suffer no more than inconvenience and embarrassment. You might be imprisoned."

Touched by her unshed tears and hoping to spare her his own anxieties, he struggled to sound confident. "But I might not."

"When will you know?"

"If they don't come to a decision soon they'll have a public relations disaster on their hands."

"Perhaps the same consideration will encourage them to decide in your favor."

"Maybe so." She managed a weak smile and returned to her work. "Now what?" He looked over her shoulder. "Scanning for Borg activity? Old habits must die hard."

"I wanted to confirm our earlier readings. The Collective has been disabled, not destroyed. They will rebuild the transwarp network."

His hand closed over hers and lifted it so that she had to turn to face him. "But not today. Come to my quarters? I'd like to spend some time with you. As soon as Starfleet gets itself organized I don't think we'll have a minute to call our own for a while."

"You are most likely correct. And--I would like to spend some time with you as well."

They did not speak or touch as they walked along the corridors but no one was there to see them. When he ushered her through the door she moved slowly toward the window and looked out at the homeworld she had never seen.

"For all the years of my humanity that I can recall, we have shared similar experiences. But now we are in an environment that you know and I do not."

He stepped close behind her and wrapped his arms tightly around her, whether taking or giving comfort he wasn't sure. "You will."

He pressed his lips against her neck and she turned and met his mouth with her own in searching, desperate kisses, and his own emotions swelled suddenly like a tide and he heard himself saying, "Seven--I want you, but--I don't want to push you--"

She drew a little away. "Please clarify--"

He could see that she only wanted to be certain she was not misunderstanding him. "I don't know which date it's supposed to happen on, but I want to make love with you, now, here-- But if you aren't ready--"

"Yes, I want you. Now. I want you now."

The imperious words made him smile but the quavering of her voice, the shaking of her hands as she caressed his face, moved him, aroused him, made him want to hold her, take her, give to her--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you all right?" he murmured. Reflected light from home bathed the bedroom.

"I am undamaged," she murmured back. "And you?"

He laughed softly. "I'm fine. More than fine."

"I understand that the first experience with copulation is not painful for males in the same way it is for females."

He propped up on one elbow and kissed her nose. "To most human ears, 'lovemaking' sounds a little less clinical than 'copulation.'"

She blushed and looked away, then back. "'Lovemaking.'"

Delicately he loosed a yellow tendril of hair that had caught on her ocular implant. "Not physically painful, maybe, but it can be pretty hard on a fellow's self-esteem. And not only the first time."

"Perhaps I should assure you that the experience was--very pleasurable for me."

He felt amused and embarrassed and tender all at the same time. "I'm glad. It was very pleasurable for me, too."

"I am relieved. My research was thorough, but there is a difference between research and application. Between imagination and reality," she added with what seemed to him a curious significance. "You were very helpful, and very patient with me."

"Any time," he said, trailing his fingertips lightly along her arm.

"I'm aware that you gave no thought to me as a romantic partner until I initiated our--encounters--"

"So I like forward women."

She blushed again. "But I don't want to place you in any difficulty with the captain or the crew."

"Now you worry about it."

Alarm creased her brow. "Are there ramifications I haven't considered?"

"No no--I'm just teasing you. Seven, I don't play games. I'm here with you because I want to be, not because I want to do you some sort of favor." There had been a time when he'd dreamed of celebrating homecoming like this--like this--with Kathryn. Funny how dreams altered with the years, with need, with circumstance. Right now he wanted to be nowhere else. "And I don't think there will be any difficulties, especially now--" Glancing out the window at the glorious view he was amazed all over again. Never would he forget piloting Voyager into this particular orbit. "But if there are, don't worry--we'll face them together. All right?"

Her smile was shy and glowing. "Yes. All right."

He buried his face in her soft, sweet hair. "I like your hair down--" He kissed her gently, and then with growing urgency. "--and tousled--"

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